Rating: PG
Pairings: McShep
Genres: Friendship, Angst, Pre-Slash, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Episode tag for the second season ep, "The Hive". Explores Rodney's feelings at the end of the ep, then reveals how Shep and the others learned about his nearly od'ing on the Wraith enzyme.
Spoilers: "The Hive"
Length: Almost 1900 words
Feedback: You may post feedback to this fic either at LiveJournal, Wraithbait, or by .

As elated as Rodney was at the destruction of the hive ships, and as proud as he was of his odds-defying friend Sheppard for causing said destruction, McKay's joy was quickly shattered when he confirmed his worst fear: no Dart had survived the explosion. Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, even Ford -- all gone.

He knew some thing like this might happen one day, but ... all at once? Half of his friends just wiped out? Well, he didn't know how they felt about him, if any of them would call him "friend", but he'd like to think that, in working together, they'd gotten that close. Losing them ... in a way, it hurt worse then the withdrawal he'd gone through with the wraith enzyme! The lump in his throat wasn't so unlike going into anaphylactic shock -- it was hard to breathe.

Many of Rodney's subordinates believed he didn’t have a caring bone in his body, that he didn't even know what it was like to have friends, much less lose them. They couldn’t be more wrong -- but the realisation of that truth surprised him. In fact, he decided that he would be a lot happier if he really were the man they thought he was, and not able to feel anything!

And then, just like that, his world was turned upside down again -- this time in a good way. They received word from Atlantis that Sheppard and his team had returned home safe and sound. Only his befuddlement over how they'd escaped in the first place kept him from grabbing Caldwell and dancing around the bridge. His friends -- well, however they saw him -- were alive! But his innate curiosity would not let him think of anything but the mystery of how they were alive until the question was answered.

He thought his heart would burst from his chest when he saw Sheppard -- and Ronon and Teyla -- in the infirmary. He was so overcome with relief, the question that had kept his emotions at bay finally tumbled from his lips, unchecked: "Why aren't you dead?"

He ignored the strange, inexplicable little thrill Sheppard's own annoyed "It's good to see you too, Rodney," gave him, immediately chastised. Rodney apologised for how his question sounded -- then asked it again. He had to know, as if they weren't really there until he could confirm a legitimate reason for them to be.

He felt that surge of pride he'd felt on the Daedalus return as Sheppard related their story. He even felt a twinge of sadness at the loss of Ford; okay, so their last encounters hadn't gone so well, but, having taken the enzyme himself, McKay could now understand why Aiden had acted as he had, and forgive the man. Sheppard's own refusal to believe the Marine was dead made Rodney feel even sorrier for the Colonel, though.

But more than anything, he felt relief. He started shaking with it; he hoped no one noticed ....

Sheppard was about to ask Rodney just how he'd gotten away himself, when he noticed the other man trembling. Catty questions evaporated as he stepped towards his friend, reaching a hand out to the physicist's shoulder. "Hey, bud, you all right?"

Carson quickly came to Rodney's other side. "Och, yer no havin' a relapse on me now, are yeh, lad? Here, let's get your blood-sugar checked." Rodney's trembling increased as Carson steered him to sit on a cot, the scientist's breathing growing shallow, his skin paling.

"Relapse?" Sheppard asked, scowling. Out of the corner of his eye, he gratefully noted Elizabeth steering Caldwell away. Ronon and Teyla, meanwhile, closed in, their faces looking as concerned as John felt.

"'S probably just ... hypo.... hypoglycemia," Rodney tried to assure Carson, as the man pricked his finger. "Can't remember ... last time I've eaten." John remembered then that Rodney had refused to eat anything else from Ford's people after learning their dinner had been laced with the enzyme.

"You were supposed to go straight to the mess when I released yeh!" Carson snapped.

"Had to ... make sure the Colonel ... others ... taken care of first," Rodney protested breathlessly, waving a hand, his words slurred.

Ronon and Teyla exchanged worried, helpless glances. John knew what they were thinking: Rodney whined about his hypoglycemia so much, they usually forgot that it was a real and serious condition. It was a little frightening, being confronted with it, seeing the normally eloquent man having such difficulty speaking. But at that moment, John had an even bigger concern.

"Rodney, what did you do?" Sheppard asked again, grabbing the man's shoulders. The conversation between McKay and Beckett was really starting to disturb the Colonel!

"He injected himself with a massive dose of the Wraith enzyme, that's what he bloody well did!" Carson interjected. "And nearly killed himself with it, I might add!"

Sheppard exchanged alarmed looks with his companions. Rodney had been vehemently anti-enzyme; it would have taken a seriously bad situation to push him into taking any at all, much less nearly overdosing!

The glucose meter in Carson's hand beeped. "Forty!" The doctor looked about, and grabbed an unopened apple juice container from a nearby tray -- probably his own lunch. He ripped the cover off and held it to a swooning McKay's mouth. "Drink," he growled.

Rodney did, downing the juice in seconds, like a man dying of thirst. Which, John supposed, wasn't so off the mark. Rodney still seemed faint as he held the empty container in a shaking hand.

"It'll take a few minutes for his sugar levels to rise," Carson explained to them, a comforting hand on McKay's shoulder. "Daft lad," he added affectionately.

Sheppard suddenly found himself wondering, uncomfortably, just how long McKay and the doctor had been friends.

"You should have seen me, Colonel," Rodney said weakly. "I threw those two idiot guards right across the room!" he said proudly. "I knew you'd been gone too long, that something had gone wrong, but they wouldn’t listen. So I took the enzyme, beat them up, got the control crystals, put them back in the DHD, and dialed home. Unfortunately, the enzyme had me so out of it, it was a while before I was coherent enough to tell anyone where you went," he added, eyes downcast, pride deflated as quickly as it had been engorged.

John felt like the floor had dropped out from under him. Rodney hadn't taken the enzyme because the scientist himself was in any real danger! He'd risked his life for their sake! John made a mental note to introduce the next person who questioned Rodney's loyalty or bravery to his fist.

And then Sheppard realised something else: Rodney had risked his life in more ways than one! "Rodney," John hissed, "Did it occur to you at all that you could have put those control crystals back wrong and gotten killed trying to come back to Atlantis?!" He half wanted to strangle the man himself for his carelessness at that moment.

"Oh, like you weren't on a dangerous mission yourself, going off with Ford like that!" Rodney snapped, sounding more like his usual self.

And was John imagining it, or was there a note of ... well, something that said Sheppard in particular had scared the other man half to death with worry through his actions? John squashed the notion, refusing to even wonder where such a thought had come from in the first place, much less why the possibility made him feel ... good.

John also decided not to point out that it was only to keep McKay safe that he had gone along with Ford in the first place -- especially as it was just then that he'd realised such was even the case.

"How long was I supposed to wait?" Rodney asked, sounding oddly vulnerable. "What if you never came back?"

John had a feeling the "you" in that question was directed at him alone, and not Ronon or Teyla, but again refused to give the possibility any credence. Even so, John fond himself wanting very much to say that he would always come back, and that he would never leave Rodney behind. But he knew he couldn’t make that promise, no matter his intentions. He could only say the truth, no matter how much it hurt or frightened either of them. "You're right. You did what you had to." I just wish you'd hadn't had to .... "You did good, Rodney; that was really brave of you ...." He found himself wishing for the old, cowardly Rodney back, though. The one he didn’t have to worry would put himself in danger when Sheppard wasn't around.

John discovered then that the idea of a universe without Rodney in it was one he never wanted to experience. The mere contemplation of it, for even a slight second, made him ill, enough so that he couldn’t even figure out why it left him so ... shaken.

"Yeah, brave!" Ronon agreed, nodding. "Wish I could have seen it," he added, grinning and slapping Rodney's arm companionably.

"I am certain it was a sight to see," Teyla said, smiling proudly.

McKay seemed to perk up a moment at the praise, then went back to scoffing. "Didn't exactly do as I planned, though, did I? I mean, by the time the Daedalus got there, it was too late to help you. Caldwell was even going to blow up the hive ships -- with you all in them!"

"It was Ford who put us in that situation," Ronon pointed out, his lack of personal history with Aiden allowing him to speak more freely. "If there's any blame to be had, lay it on him. You did what you had to, to survive, McKay. No one could do better than that."

"Yes, well I hope you're less eager to inject so much of a strange substance into your bloodstream next time, though," Carson said. "A much smaller amount probably would have still done the trick!"

"Well, excuse me for not having the dosing instructions handy! " Rodney snapped. Then he softened. "But ... thank you for .. g-getting me through the withdrawal and ... everything. If even half of what I remember was real, I was ... well, a handful."

Carson patted his shoulder, smiling ruefully. "Putting it mildly, my friend. And anytime -- but let's not make a habit of it, 'ey? Now get yer arse down to the mess and eat something. That goes for the lot of yeh!" Beckett told the rest of them.

Something in Carson's eye told John that the good doctor was less concerned about them actually eating and more of just expecting them all to accompany Rodney and make sure the physicist did as he was told this time. John didn't think the man needed to bother with astrophysicist-sitters, though -- only work and worry for his friends would ever keep Rodney McKay from food, and neither was an issue at that moment.

Just to be on the safe side, though, John thought maybe he ought to filch Rodney's radio. Either that, or surreptitiously radio the science department himself and promise bodily harm to anyone who paged McKay within the next hour ....